Small children during surgery…
Hello to everyone!! Well, my surgery date is fast approaching. It appears
that with all of my ordeals involved with getting my surgery authorized by my
insurance, and with figuring out arrangements for my little girls care and
how to get the oldest one to school, etc…while Im away at the hospital and
out of commission, I have forgotten one VERY important thing…. Their
emotions and security!!!
~How do I reassure my worrisome 8 year old little girl that Mommy will not
die and that Im going to be okay and that I will return home……She will
see me again….I will not look different. All fears my daughter has
recently expressed.
~What do I tell my 3 year old that will explain where Im going and that I am
coming back……..and yet not burden her with information that she is just
not ready for???
It appears that Ive been so wrapped up in myself that although I thought I
was “taking care” of my girls…I really was not.
HELP!!! 
Rhonda
DOS 12-18-2001
(12 days and counting…I feel like NASA)
January 25th, 2003 at 4:00 pm
I would work at changing the focus of your kids. Talk about the wonderful
things you will be able to do when you heal up. Give them important jobs to
help you get ready for the hospital. Tell them that it is important that
they help you by sending positive thougths and prayers. Give them important
jobs to help you in your recovery. Show them pictures and tell them stories
about people who have had WLS that has changed their lives. Give them a
special picture of you and them to hold on to while you are not home with
them.
Lee
January 26th, 2003 at 4:46 pm
I had an Open RNY last month and dealt with similar problems with my 8 year old
daughter. I arrainged for her to be fed, watched, and transported to school and
thought I was doing pretty good. My daughter knew that I had been researching
WLS for a long time but we had never really talked about it.
When I found out I had a surgery date, I told her that I would be going to the
hospital and that they would be making my stomach smaller so that I would be
able to loose weight. I also told her who would be watching her and tried to
reassure her that after the surgery, I would slowly get better and not have as
many “bad back days” nor would I be as tired all the time. Finally, I let her
know that after the surgery was over, I would still look the same as when I went
in. I asked if she had any questions and she seemed to be fine.
About 2-3 days before I went in she asked if she would ever see me again. I
said “Of course, why would you even ask?” It turned out I had discussed going
in but I had never specifically mentioned that I expected to come again in
approxamately 3-5 days. She had been very brave, willing to give me up so that
I could get thin and feel better.
I never discussed dying with her but appearently she overheard my husband and I
discussing what would happen if this did occur. I realize now that I should
have also discussed this as a remote possibility with her that I did not expect
to occur but that if it did, let her know that she would still be taken care of
and loved.
If I had to do it over, I would discuss that this surgery was fairly common,
that most people lived and that I had every reason to also live, that I would
still look like myself when I came home, that I was having the surgery to help
resolve specific health problems (that she was already aware of), and that after
the surgery I expected to be able to play with her more. In addition, I would
discuss how her life would be affected both my my time in the hospital and what
would happen when I came home.
I asked my daughter if she had advice from an 8-year’s point of view. She said,
tell them you will be ok, tell them you will get skinnier, tell them they should
help you, and tell them that as you get better, you will feel better.
Jennifer
Dr. Murr
Open RNY 11/7/01
Pre-op 299 lbs
12/6/01 268 lbs
January 27th, 2003 at 12:08 pm
I also have young children that I will be leaving while
in the hospital. To me, this is the most difficult part
of the whole pre-op picture. All of my girls have had
some anxiety about me being gone for those days. My 10
y/o, Megan is pretty capable of understanding the time
frame and how I’ll be newly postop. My 5 year, Jessica
pretty much just worries about missing me. Although last
week on a field trip, we shared a small seat on the
schoolbus and she said that it will be ALOT bigger when
I get skinny lol. Its my 8 y/o, Allie that is having the
toughest time emotionally. She cries easily, gets angry
quickly about small things. She is the worrier of the
group and I guess considers every possible outcome. I’ve
assured her in the best ways I can to put her mind at
ease that I’ll be home soon, and feel better every day.
I’m missing a class play that she is in next week and
feel terrible about that. But I’m going to the rehearsal
today and that makes her happy. I think at age 8, she is
not only worried about me, but a bit worried about how
SHE will get by with me temporarily out of the picture.
I am a stay at home mom, the one who helps with homework
and projects, and all that other stuff that moms
primarily do. I’m doing my best to make these last few
days preop relaxed, happy, family times. There will be
so much going on next week with school activities and my
family keeping the kids busy, I think they’ll end up
having fun and being almost disappointed when things are
back to status quo. And one very important thing I’ve
done is to speak to each of the girls teachers and the
school counselor to let them know what will be going on
next week. They have been so supportive and I know that
they will take good care of my girls while I’m unable
to. Also, if I have an early surgery time, my husband
will contact the school to have the message passed along
to our daughters that its over and I’m ok. (God
willing). I think for myself this is a time to let go a
bit where the girls are concerned, to trust that my
husband is capable of giving them the day to day care
that I’ve always been responsible for, that me not
running every aspect of their lives for 5 days won’t
permanently traumatize them, and that my life is worth
the time I am taking away from my family. Sorry that
this is so long, its such a difficult, emotional issue
for me at this time. Love to all.
Donna
open rny scheduled for Mon, 12/10/01