Journeys into a new world
Tamar,
Thank you for your post. You reminded me of the little things that give me so
much joy each and everyday now. I smile when I cross my legs. I grin when I
walk through a turnstile and I don’t have the normal fear of will I get
stuck, instead I almost laugh outloud when I glide through facing forward. I
sailed through without having to turn sideways in the turnstile. Isn’t life
good? I frown when I sit in the bathtub and I feel my butt bone as I try to
decide which cheek to sit upon so it doesn’t feel uncomfortable then I laugh
when I think about this new bone I have discovered and I wonder if I will
ever get used to feeling it. I make my friends (and myself) laugh when I talk
about my body image and all my stuggles to see myself as I truely am, this is
a daily challenge since my body changes daily. My heart sings when I walk
between two chairs… through a skinny spot in a resturant and no one moves
to give me more room. They seem to think I don’t need a wide birth anymore.
I almost want to skip down the hallway when people don’t move to the side or
dart in a nearby room as I pass. And now my face seems to express that I have
a secret when I see a man checking me out in the reflection of a store window
and I KNOW he is staring because I look good, not because I am huge. Everyday
life sends little reminders to me about how good this surgery has been for
me. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring because when I loose 15 more pounds
I will be in uncharted territory for me. I honestly can not remember being
under 180 pounds … EVER. I had lost down to 180 during my OPTIFAST days
but it didn’t last long. I also know I weighed about that much during high
school.
Being smaller then 180 pounds is a thin world I can’t even dream about
because I haven’t been there since I was a kid and my memory doesn’t really
go back that far anymore. In someways this will be like being a human who has
just been offered a trip to an alien planet. I have questions swimming in my
head. “Will I look like a strange?” “Will people know I don’t feel like
myself since I am no longer fat and that is all I have known my adult life?”
“Will I adjust to life in this new world, or will I struggle until I make my
way back to the known world of the fat?” “Will I survive this journey and
will I be able to make a good life for myself in this unknown thinner world?”
So, you see…. I am an explorer of my own world. I am excited, nervous, and
anxious about the days of discovery ahead of me and I am trying to be
prepared for something that I am actually unable to prepare for… I just
have to live it and learn as I do. Each day is a new day and a new life….
how much more exciting can that be? Just call me Christopher Columbus of my
own thinner world. When did Christopher Columbus claim the new world? After
he explored it and survived to tell the tale. I think that will be my
approach. I will write of my journeys and my discoveries but I will not
proclaim victory or ownership until the exploration is done. Happy adventures
everyone…. greet each day as an opportunity to learn about yourself.
Sandra in California