Emotions won’t go away!
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry! As the Feb. 28th date approaches, I am
very emotional. I hope that I will eventually relax and let all this sink in.
I have one more day of sugar!!! That alone should make me cry!! Ice cream
was my life! Seriously, I know this is the best thing for me and I pray that
I will come to terms with it soon. I think I am still in some sort of weird
shock or something. Keep that encouragement coming!!!
Charlotte
Surgery date 2/28/02
247 lbs. (am I really telling someone my weight??)
July 31st, 2003 at 11:54 pm
Charlotte,
Your emotions probably won’t calm down until sometime after surgery. You’re
going through some major changes so allow yourself some time to deal with
them. Just know that these emotions are normal and it will pass. Soon you
will be on your way to a thinner self. The posts that people put up about how
there life has changed helped me so much during this time. Those posts are
what kept me focused on what I wanted in my life and why I was doing this
drastic step. So, knowing that… let me share my list of changes in my life
since surgery. BTW, if you haven’t made a 100 THINGS I WANT LIST…. do it
now. The ones with the date behind it have been accomplished so far. I hope
this list is encouraging to you and others. Take care.
Sandra in California
1. I want to be able to stand up in the mornings with out my feet hurting.
6/31/01
2. I want to be under 300lbs. 6/31/2001
3. I want to be able to put the folding arms down on both sides of me at the
theater. 7/16/01
4. I want to recognize head hunger from stomach hunger and be able to deal
with it appropriately. 7/18/01
5. I want to move my car seat up because I lost my butt. 7/21/01
6. I want to be able to go to the bathroom without pressing my arm down on
the seat and squatting on it to wipe. 7/23/01
(sorry about how graphic this one is)
7. I want to see my wrist bone sticking out. 7/28/01
8. I want to see or feel my collarbones. 7/31/01
9. I want to sit in a booth with plenty of room to spare. 8/4/01
To be able to leave the tablecloth on the table at a
restaurant…instead of dragging it with you when you get up.
10. I want to cross my legs when I sit. 8/9/01 (This one makes me smile
daily)
11. I want to go through turnstiles without turning sideways. 8/12/01
12. I want a man to look at me like he can’t believe how beautiful I am.
(8/17/01) Boyfriend used to do this before we broke up.
13. I want to put my shoes on easily and not have to hold my breath while
lacing them up or bending over. (8/18/01)
This includes picking stuff up off the floor.
14. I want to no longer have sleep apnea, to not wake up with headaches and
tired. (September 2001)
I don’t wake up tired or with headaches anymore so I suspect my
sleep apnea is gone since I have lost several inches from around my neck.
15. I want to be able to clip my own toenails. (September 2001)
16. I want to ride in any car and not worry about the seat belt fitting.
(September 2001)
17. I want to weigh under what my driver’s license says. (October 4, 2001)
18. I want to buy clothes in a normal size area of the store. (October 2001)
19. I want to have my lap not sit in my lap anymore. (October 2001)
20. I want to sit in a theater and not worry about the person next to you
cringing cause you are so fat. (November 2001)
To not have to hold your arms in so you don’t flow into someone
else’s area.
21. I want to no longer be considered morbidly obese. (November 2001)
22. I want to feel my bones, hip…ribs. I have never felt my hip bones.
(November 2001) (I discovered what a butt bone is… and that one isn’t fun
LOL)
23. I want to have someone see me and not recognize me cause of my weight
loss. (November 2001) This one has happened many times… either that or I
hear.. “OH MY GAWD! OH MY GAWD! You’re so skinny!” Yeah right… but I am
getting there. LOL
24. I want to not dribble food on my amble bossom again. (November 2001) I
haven’t drippled once since this date and it used to be an almost daily
occurance… weird.
25. I want to ride a rollercoaster and fit. (December 29, 2001) Disneyland
with Judy/Kids, then w/Cindy, her Mom, & Jean. I am now a rollercoaster
freak… I love them.
26. I want to where high heels again. ( December 2001)
27. I want to use the regular blood pressure cuff. (December 2001)
28. I want to be able to sit in the students desk/chair combos at school
conference time. (December 2001)
29. I want to be able to get between cars in a parking lot without wiping the
dust off with my belly and my butt. (Dec 2001)
30. I want to be able to wear the leather coat that used to belong to my
mother. (December 2001)
31. I want to wear bikini panties, not those grandma things. (January 2002)
…currently wearing a size 8 bikinis.
32. I want to be able to take a bath and be fully covered by water, not
dammed up at one end! (January 2002)
I actually floated in my tub without touching anything. LOL
33. I want to clean out my closet of all the fat clothing. (January 2002)
This has been happening in stages but it is pretty much done now. I
have a whole new wardrobe.
34. I want to sit in a chair and have extra room. January 2002 (My puppy sat
“beside” me the other day in my desk chair.)
35. I want to not wake up feeling achy in the back. (January 2002)
36. I want to loose so I can tuck my top in. (January 2002)
37. I want to be able to do a squat. (January 2002) I started to do 100
lunges as part of my exercise routine.
38. I want to be able to run again. (January 2002) I did this at work
spontaneously the other day. I have even jumped rope.
39. I want to wear a short skirt and look good. (January 2002)
40. I want to see my starfish (birthmark on my inner thigh) with out having
to move my fat first. (January 2002)
41. I want to hear my daughter say, “Oh my gawd! Oh my gawd! You look great!
Oh my gawd! (January 19, 2002) This happened at the airport when she came to
visit and she hadn’t seen me since she came out here 6 months previously to
take care of me after surgery.
42. I want to fly in an airplane without fear of not fitting or having to ask
for a seatbelt extension. (January 24…trip to NY)
43. I want to be able to enter an elevator and check the weight limit.
(January 2002) Empire State building.
44. I want to meet a friend online and not be horrified to have to send a
picture of yourself. (February 2002) Met Rick via the internet and I wasn’t
concerned with sending him my picture or meeting him in real life.
45. I want to loose so I can stop snoring so much. (February 2002) Trip to
NY… roommate said I didn’t snore)
46. I want to be able to climb a flight (or 2 or 3 flights) of stairs without
panting for air. (February 2002)
NY trip and all the subway stairs I did for days showed I have no
more problem with this…
47. I want to not avoid having your picture taken for fear of seeing how fat
you really are. (February 2002)
NY conference at MACY center. Class picture.
48. I want to be under 200pds. (February 4, 2002)
49. I want to get up off the floor without having to use my arms. (February
18, 2002)
50. I want to have the energy to clean my house. (February 18, 2002) I have
this energy.. I still hate it.
50 DOWN AND 50 TO GO…. pretty good for 8 Months out… some of these
probably have happened already but I haven’t experienced it yet… so I don’t
count it until I do.
I want to NOT be able to buy clothes in the fat ladies section.
I want to wear a size 7 or smaller panty.
I want to be able to wrap up in a normal size bath towel instead of a beach
towel.
I can finally wrap a beach towel around myself and have it
overlap…whoohoo!)
I want to be able to sit in any lawn chair, even the aluminum webbed kind.
I want to have Kyle (old cheating jerk of a boyfriend) see me thin.
I want to have Ben (prideful cop I used to date) see me thin.
I want to meet my future husband as a thinner woman.
I want to get off refined sugar.
I want to learn to exercise as part of my regular lifestyle.
I want to no longer be considered obese.
I want to no longer be considered overweight.
I want to know that I will no longer by heavy … to feel like this is going
to succeed.
I want to scuba dive again.
I want to wear a bra that fits and fat doesn’t flow over the sides.
I want to wear a size 11-12 pants.
I want to take a shower without my hips hitting the shower curtain when I
turn around in the tub. (This one probably has happened, but I take baths so
I haven’t marked it yet.)
I want to loose so I can learn to dance.
I want to live within the world of normal weighted people and blend in.
I want to go to a water park without feeling self concious.. or to swim with
my family.
I want to loose so people can say “You’re so lucky, you don’t have to worry
about your weight”.
I want to no longer be the heaviest person in the room at almost every event.
I want to be able to borrow a jacket from a guy friend and have it swallow me.
I want to flirt and not worry about how fat they think I am.
I want to have a man pick me up again.
I want to have sex with out worrying about how fat I look naked.
I want to be able to horseback ride again.
I want to never again hear “but you have such a pretty face” comment. Knowing
it means, I would be pretty IF I wasn’t fat.
I want to have my arms, stomach, breasts done (surgically or through
excercise) so that they don’t sag.
I want to start a new hobby/exercise like racketball, something non-sedetary.
I want to feel normal sized.
I want to try to make a double chin and fail!
I want to see muscles building in my legs and arms.
I want to wear gym clothes.
I want to take a picture with a guy and be smaller then he is in the picture.
I want ride a roller coaster with my daughter, something I wouldn’t do when I
was fat. (I missed so much…. and I haven’t had the chance to ride one with
her yet)
I want to get on the scales at a doctor’s office and not cringe with shame.
I want to walk down the mall and not worry about who is staring at me.
I want to apply for a job and know that my weight isn’t going to be an issue
in their hiring me or not.
I want to wear a size D or smaller bra.
I want to wear my button up jeans that are a size 11, and all my old skinny
cloths.
I want to feel in control of my eating and my life again.
I want to have the attitude of… “I am no longer going to just settle in my
life for anything again.”
I want to never forget what a fat person has to suffer. I want to be
supportive and encouraging when ever possible.
I want to grow a little taller, from 5′4½” to 5′5″. (I am currently up to 5
3/4″)
I want to feel like a stunningly beautiful woman at least for one day.
I want to wear a size 13-14 or smaller wedding dress. (I might be in a
smaller wedding dress if I ever get married. I am a 14 now in some clothes)
I want to be able to hike again with out getting too winded.
I want to be able to run around the block. (I felt like doing this the other
day for the first time but it was too late at night to do it.)
I want to be able to wear a sleeveless blouse/dress and look good.
August 1st, 2003 at 8:46 am
Hi Charlotte,
Best wishes for your upcoming surgery!
Congrats on your surgery date! I had to laugh when I
read your post about one more day of sugar! I felt
very much the same way girl.
What I can tell you is that, yes in the beginning you
may miss that, you may miss being able to eat the
volumn that you once did. You may get tired of taking
little bites of food. Trust me, it is SO worth it!!!!
I am a little over 7 months out and have lost 114 lbs
as of my weigh in last night! I am so excited about
that!
I do eat things that are not always the right choice
and I am sure that some on this list would want to tar
and feather me for! hehehe However, I try to make
better choices these days. I do try to stay away from
the sweet and fatty foods. I look at this surgery as
the tool that is and I also look at my life as NEVER
being on a diet again! I am changing my eating habits
and it has been much easier since surgery.
Many people can have things after surgery that they
thought they would never be able to have again. I eat
steak now, good cuts though. I eat all the spicey food
I want, I eat sweets from time to time. Heck I even
have ice cream once in a while. It is on a much
smaller scale now and I am fine with that. The
cravings seem to be easier to fight now then before.
Guess what I am trying to say is that you may still be
able to enjoy some things after surgery that you do
now. The portions will be much smaller and you may
even find that you are not interested in them!
Hugs
Nikki