Support Needed from Family
Hi everyone!
I’m new. 
My name’s Emily, I’m 23, and I live in Minnesota. I’m
going to my doctor tomorrow to hopefully get sent to a surgeon! I’ve
done loads of research, and I know this is the right decision for
me. I have lots of questions, but one really important one:
I will need A LOT of help convincing my family that it’s a good
idea. I’ve talked to my “fat” cousins and aunt, and they’ll support
me as long as I do my research and make an informed decision (no
problem there!). My parents are another issue. My step-mom has
never had problems with weight in her life (my mom did, but she died
several years ago). My dad is a little overweight, but probably no
more than 20 pounds. Both my parents (especially my dad) think that
RNY is “taking the easy way out”. I think that this is a huge
decision I’ve made about taking my life under control. My parents’
support is REALLY important to me, partially because I live with
them, but also because they’ve always been my cheerleaders.
I’ve looked into in the past and they weren’t thrilled. They don’t
know that I’m looking into it again. I’ve decided not to tell them
until I know my insurance will cover it (cuz if they don’t this is a
non-issue!). Anyone have any suggestions on how to break it to
them? Is there a way I can explain that, first, this isn’t “easy”,
and second, this decision is really important to my health.
Has anyone else had difficulty with people taking the news?
Emily
235 and I CAN’T WAIT TO DROP THIS WEIGHT!!!!!! :-)))))))
September 30th, 2003 at 12:33 pm
In a message dated 3/21/02 2:19:28 AM Pacific Standard Time,
legalese78@… writes:
My Parents are not tiny folks…But they are not obese either. My parents
were so amazingly supportive that it chokes me up. It really makes me angry
that your parents cannot be the same way. Why is having to resort to having
your guts re-arranged, an easy way out? Perhaps your parents are not the
most supportive people in other areas as well? If this is the case, Emily
you are a smart girl and know what you need to do. You need to make the most
well informed, thought out BEST DECISION FOR YOU. I know you can do that.
Good luck girl.
})i({August St. Amand- Maine})i({
Lap RNY Oct. 15, 2001 -152
Dr. PA Aslam- Augusta Maine
September 30th, 2003 at 7:27 pm
In a message dated 3/21/02 5:19:29 AM, legalese78@… writes:
<< Is there a way I can explain that, first, this isn’t “easy”,
and second, this decision is really important to my health.
Has anyone else had difficulty with people taking the news?
My parents were initially skeptical of the surgery when I first started
talking about it. My dad is a recovering alcoholic and my mom is very active
in Al-Anon, so I used an analogy based on alcoholism. I said - if you told
an alcoholic that he could have three drinks a day….no more and no
less….and he MUST have these three drinks a day in order to
survive….would you expect him to be successful in his recovery? Knowing
that they believe an alcoholic can never drink alcoholic again in order to
stay sober, they both said no - they would not expect the alcoholic to stay
sober. In most cases, an alcoholic cannot just stop at one drink….he
drinks until he is passed out. I asked - if there were a proven safe and
effective medical procedure that guaranteed an alcoholic that he could drink
his three drinks a day and he would not over drink, would you be supportive
of that? They both said of course!
I then said, I am an addict but my addiction is not to alcohol, it is to
food. I am required to eat food every day in order to survive. I cannot
give up food entirely the way an alcoholic can give up alcohol or I will die.
But there is a safe and effective procedure that will help me stop
overeating and allow me to eat my minimum required food intake and survive.
Why would you deny me this procedure?
It changed their thinking about the surgery…..it became a life saving
surgery instead of a risky surgery in their eyes. Now that I’ve lost 100
pounds and they’ve seen my health drastically improve - they are 100%
positive that I did the right thing. My aunt, who was also initially
nonsupportive, has even asked me to talk to her son about the surgery since
he weighs over 400 pounds and his physician has recommended WLS to him but he
is resistant.
You can also try sarcasm - which I used for a friend…..I simply asked her
how she figured having my stomach cut open 8 inches, my internal organs
completely and permanently rearranged, never being able to eat “normal” again
for the rest of my life, struggling with vomiting and dumping, always having
to be conscious of how I am chewing and how fast I am eating, eating handfuls
of vitamins daily in order to ensure proper nutrition, etc….how could this
possibly be the “easy way out?” She had no response.
But of course, the best way to gain support is to educate. Most of the time,
our loved ones are not supportive because they are afraid for us and for
themselves at the thought of losing us. Educating them on the safety and
effectiveness of the surgery is the best way to turn them around. Helping
them realize that the surgery will save our lives, not harm us. Sometimes it
doesn’t happen until after the fact, but it will happen eventually.
Gayle
October 1st, 2003 at 12:34 am
Emily,
My advise would be this….arm yourself with as much information as you can
but when you talk to your parents… TELL them you have made a solid decision
.. .that you are going to have this surgery and you are not asking for their
permission but their support during this process. Telling them the decision
has already been made might take away the temptation to talk you out of it
because they are fearful. Tell them that the only thing you are asking of
them is for them to be supportive of you during this time …. then begin the
education process. You have to be firm and make it clear that you have
already made the decision and that part of this process is over… so don’t
waste your energy trying to change your mind. Do what is best for you… this
is a time in your life that you have to put yourself first… no matter what.
I wish you all the best.
Sandra in California