Sexualy active
Hello group,
i want to know if once i have the surgery will i become more sexualy
active. See i dont feel sexy so i dont feel sexual but i love sex and
i want to have sex more often but just dont feel like it. i hate the
way my body looks when it is naked so i have a hard time wanting sex
becacuse if i think that my body is nasty looking i think but my
lover doesnt think so but i do. So i am hoping that other people like
my self who is obesity or who has felt this way could please let me
know if this will change after surgery.
Thank you,
Mary a
February 1st, 2004 at 5:29 pm
Hi gang. Same question here from me. I’m sexually
explosive, but with my weight I have no partner, and only a
few sexual episodes. None worth writing home about, you
know. I’m wondering what the confidence level is like after
WLS. And is there any other physical changes in a
guy…i.e. penis size? I know size isn’t the only
thing…but mighty oaks don’t grow in the shade either.
Jim
February 3rd, 2004 at 8:12 am
In a message dated 5/9/02 2:10:17 PM, jim_wnw@… writes:
<<
explosive, but with my weight I have no partner, and only a
few sexual episodes. None worth writing home about, you
know. I’m wondering what the confidence level is like after
WLS. And is there any other physical changes in a
guy…i.e. penis size? I know size isn’t the only
thing…but mighty oaks don’t grow in the shade either.
Jim
Both my hubby and I had surgery and we can’t get enough of each other
sexually any more. The more weight we lose, the more we cuddle and make
love. We even sleep in the nude occasionally now and we haven’t done that
since before we were married…lol. And, yes Jim, we were told a man gains
about an inch for about every 50 pounds he loses. I don’t know if that’s
true, but my hubby is about 2″ better endowed and he has lost around 140#.
Not that size matters….*blush*. Enjoy the journey!
Vicki
open RNY 6/28/01
155# and loving life!
February 3rd, 2004 at 6:11 pm
On another one of my OSSG groups we are having this exact same discussion
and the answers seem to be split down the middle. Some are corn dogs and
others are icebergs floating in the cold, cold ocean. Not many seem to be
in the middle of these two polarities!
I had *zero* body issues pre-op… went naked at 350 pounds at various
adult functions and never felt self-conscious. Now, 180 pounds down, I can
barely get naked at the midwife’s office! My partner, blessedly, loves
every aspect of my changes… finds my dangling skin amusing and sensual…
a sentiment I do NOT share. I am repulsed by what I see in the mirror and
when I look down and when I bend over and and and…. I am another 18
months or so away from plastics (plastic surgery), so need to deal with
this in the moment. Self-loathing doesn’t benefit anyone.
(An aside: at midwifery school, I had to get some shorts and regular
shirts because the air conditioner was broken where I lived next to the
birth center… bought some at a thrift store… shorts and tank tops. I
*lived* in tank tops and spaghetti strap tops for most of the last 20 years
because anything with sleeves was too tight for my fat arms. I missed the
freedom, but was incredibly embarrassed to bare my arms, but thought, if
anywhere, I can practice being less shy about it in front of other women…
some pretty fat [even some who have had WLS or were scheduled for it]. So,
I reluctantly put on a tank top and shorts one day and explained to the
girls what I was attempting to do… de-freak myself out [actually,
de-sensitize myself from what it felt like with all this skin hanging
around exposed!]… and, one of the women… a young chickie girl who is
pretty gordita herself… said she wanted to ask me something, but didn’t
want to hurt my feelings. I laughed and said to go right ahead. She said
that she and some other girls wanted to feel my dangling arm skin. Inside
I was humiliated, but laughed and said sure they could… that it felt like
Silly Putty left out in the sun a tad too long. So, about 4 of the women
gathered around and began pawing at my hanging arm skin and agreed
wholeheartedly that it felt *just* like Silly Putty left out in the
sun! They asked to see my thighs [amazingly, after 7 weeks at school,
rooming with 6 other women, I had been able to get away with not being
naked in front of anyone!] and so I took off my shorts so they could see
them. [I feel the tears of shame even as I write this.] They touched me
and thought it was *so cool*… I laughed embarrassingly… and then showed
my scar and upper ab folds of skin… and then my belly/pannus. I did not
go so far as to show them my National Geographic Poster Girl breasts
[ghastly especially when leaning forward… YIKES!], but I know they are
there. [Victoria’s Secret: That post-WLS breasts can look normal in her
bras!!])
So, I am trying *hard* to deal with these intense body changes and finding
a place of love and acceptance for my Self in this new skin-outfit I am
wearing. The gist of all of this is that I am not sure that WLS takes care
of body issues at all! In clothes I look faboo! I am asked *often* even
by posties when I had plastic surgery. (I believe in the girdle of
Levi!!) But, unfortunately, sex doesn’t usually occur with jeans, bra, 3/4
length sleeved shirts, sweaters, and shoes.
So, more work… always more mind work.
Barbara Herrera
San Diego, CA - 41 years old
Open RNY April 5, 2001
Dr. Julie Ellner, Alvarado Hospital, San Diego, CA
04/05/01: 344# / BMI: 63/ Body Fat%: 75%
04/05/02: 172# / BMI: 31.6/ Body Fat%: 28%
04/16/02: 165#/ BMI: 30.2
One Year Re-Birth Day: healed of ALL co-morbs, mobile beyond every
expectation, every pre-op dream surpassed a million-fold, and smaller than
any memory.
February 7th, 2004 at 1:31 am
— In OSSG@y…, Feral Mermaid <msgardenia@c…
lol
Just my 2 cents,
Hi All,
I wholehartedly agree with Barb. WLS doesn’t fix your brain. Of
course everyone said that prior to surgery so I am not sure why it
has come as such a shock to me.
The body issue/sex issue hits home really hard with me right now. I
am down to about a size 16/18 and honestly thought at 394 pounds that
being at size 16/18 would make all the difference in the world. I
would be dating and having fun. Everyone said I was beautiful at any
weight so being smaller should fix the problem.
Now that it is here - that isnt the case.
I am not sure if it is me projecting a bad self image or if I just
can’t recognize when a man is interested. Probably a bad combination
of both, but I am working on the self image. I feel exactly like Barb
does about my body. If I was dating someone I would probably be so
freaked out about the nudity thing I would ruin it anyway so maybe
being alone is for the best right now.
Of course with every news outlet reporting the diminishing fertility
rates of women after 30, I am feeling pretty miserable about my 30th
birthday in 2 weeks. How is that for honest?
I wouldn’t trade where I was for where I am now, for all the money in
the world because at least now there is a small glimmer of hope that
I might have a normal life, at 394lbs that wasnt possible for me. So
I try not to whine and go about my daily life as if being alone is
just fine with me. After 30 years I am pretty good at faking
being ‘just fine’. Pity party over, back to the grind
Kristina
Nashville
post op 1/2/01
February 9th, 2004 at 3:21 am
In a message dated 5/10/02 12:03:20 PM Pacific Daylight Time, Kaylani@…
writes:
Kristina,
I can really relate to this…. I too thought that if the weight came off I
would attract more men, or at least a better kind of man. What I have found
instead is that I had better luck dating when I was fat then I do as a size
12…. go figure. It seems like men look more but they don’t approach. I
haven’t figured this all out yet. I think you might be right about it being
our attitudes…. I am still trying to figure this one out myself. I would
really like to be dating someone right now… flabby skin and all … but
there doesn’t seem to be any takers and I thought I the fat was the problem.
Guess it is time to wake up and smell the roses….. I think there is
something I am doing that makes me un approachable. Men, you want to chime in
here and give us women some insight? Why would men pay more attention to me
when I was over 300lbs verses now that I am more normal size looking…..
with my closet I know they can’t see my flabby boobs and wrinkled tummy. LOL
I look good with the tight jeans and bra holding everything up. LOL
Kristina… just know you aren’t alone. Not only am I haven’t to relearn how
to eat but I am also having to relearn how to be attractive and open to men
and relationships. I wish you well.
Sandra in California
316/176
Size 28/Size 12
February 9th, 2004 at 3:45 pm
Hey ladies…as a guy I love women. Everything about them,
personality, hair, eyes, legs, everything. Possibly it
could be you are simply adjusting to your new body. You are
out of the comfort zone you were once in when you were
heavier. You could get a guy then…that gave you
confidence. Now you can’t, and you sound as though you’ve
lost some of your confidence. (Unconfident women are rarely
attractive, and the overconfident is even worse. Fine line
to walk, I know.)
I think it’s a great time to experiment with yourself. You
can play dress up, go to different places you might not
have gone to before, etc. Eventually you’ll get “it” back,
and guys will take notice again. Relax, so you’re going
through a drought right now. Big deal. Use the time to
learn the new you, change your scenery some. That’s
possible too. If you are seeing the same guys around now
that you saw when you were heavy they see the change in
you, and might be intimidated by you.
On that other hand, it could very possibly be the guys.
Like I said, they could be intimidated by you. If they know
you or not…if you are carrying yourself better, higher,
with more confidence, you might be coming across as
overconfident, and that could be scary to us wimps…uh…I
mean guys. Perhaps you are prettier, and very attractive
and guys might feel they wouldn’t have a chance in hell, so
why bother? I’ve seen girls out and thought there’s no way
she’d even say HI. That’s our own insecurities though, and
has nothing to do with you.
It could be a little of all of this, or nothing at all. I’d
still suggest using the time to learn your new body. Change
the scenery, take up a new hobby, go to a different store,
whatever. You might not be looking in the right spots.
Whatever the case I’m glad for you for having the courage
to have the surgery, and know that it’ll only be a matter
of time until you have someone really special, who teats
you right, makes you laugh, and cares for you as much as
you care for them.
Jim
Florida Pre-op
400 lbs.
BMI 60.9
February 10th, 2004 at 1:29 pm
In a message dated 5/11/02 5:53:57 PM, jim_wnw@… writes:
<< I think it’s a great time to experiment with yourself.
I second this idea. When I was real big and wearing 28-30 and some 32’s, I
had no sense of style of clothing….if it fit, I bought it whether I liked
it or not. Now that I have such a huge selection of clothing, I’m having a
blast discovering my own sense of style. I no longer have to buy just
because it fits - I can pick and choose, which has been great fun for me.
I’ve discovered I like a very classic style of clothing but I like to also
throw some whimsy into it……a classic navy blue suit with a neon orange
silk tank top instead of your typical white blouse……black suit with lime
green blouse and matching hankie in the blazer pocket, etc. It has been so
much fun developing my new style I’m thinking of changing styles just so I
can do it all over again! LOL
I’ve also found myself wanting to experiment with things like hair color,
styles, makeup choices, etc. So far, I’ve highlighted my normal brown hair,
then went even more blonde and currently I’m a redhead. It’s like I’m
discovering a whole new me but I’m not quite sure what ME is yet, you know?
So I’m having fun experimenting so that I can find ME all over again.
Gayle