I am afraid. Help, surgery day Monday
Hi all you guys. It’s my first time posting, but I have been lurking and you
being very helpful. And I need more of your help now, that my big day is so
close. Let me tell you about me, I am 27 years old and weight 260 pounds.
All my life I have being struggling with my weight. I live in Miami.
Everything went fast for me. I have a friend who found out that insurance
were paying for the surgery. So she went to her PCP at the begining of
Jan/2002 to her surprise her DR had the surgery done to her and she had lost
150 pounds. Well, to make my story short I started my ordeal on February, at
the end of March I went to the see the surgeon Dr Rabaza here in Miami, I
went very prepare for that appointment so I did not have to go back, just
seat and wait. My Ins. approved me in 2 days and I got the surgery date of
MAY 20.
My problem is this. My friend had the surgery on April 24 and every time I
see her she tells me that she regrets the surgery. The first two weeks she
complained all day and night of having pain. And now she is telling me that
she is tire of mot being able to eat with her family. Of not wanting to go
out because she cannot eat and she was use to eat every where she would go.
With tears in her eyes she told me that she hated what she had done to
herself because she is never going to be able to have a social life again.
That we could have done this by herself etc. I am trying to avoid her
because she depress me so much.
My surgery is on Monday, May 20 and I am very scare. I don’t know if I am
doing right I have done a lot of research about this surgery and I thought
that I was sure of what I was doing but now I do not know.
!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!
Thamk you guys
Jazmin
February 24th, 2004 at 9:32 pm
Jazmin,
First, only YOU can decide if you are ready for surgery or not. If you are
not sure, best to postpone than go through with a question in your mind.
Secondly, it sounds as if your “friend” did not prepare too much herself…
did not understand that there generally *is* pain post-op for awhile…
that sometimes for a few *months* afterwards, there is discomfort,
inconvenience, disbelief at what one did to his/her body, overwhelming
grief at missing food after a lifetime of using food, nearly as a
drug. The same way there are complainers in Alcoholics Anonymous
(complaining about losing their drug of choice… that they have no
friends… that they can’t go anywhere social anymore), it is the same
post-WLS. It is sad these people did not wait longer, but the promise of
instant weight loss is seductive and so many are flocking to become one of
the surgically thin.
Thirdly, you do not mention any health problems. You don’t mention if you
have kids or want kids. But, for those two reasons, you might consider
going ahead with your surgery. You are very young! But, I PROMISE, once
you get past 35… or 40… this fat that is merely an inconvenience at a
young age, becomes oppressive… weighing you down with diabetes (and are
you Latina as I suspect? My own Cuban family is *filled* with diabetes and
I always bragged about how fat I was and wasn’t sick with it. Well, that
caught up with me and I had it BAD. Then, as I watched my relatives die
slow and horrible deaths… getting their feet cut off, their kidneys fail,
their eyes go blind… a death that is not quick and easy like a heart
attack, but a death that eats away at you over a decade), high blood
pressure, sleep apnea, stress incontinence, and a myriad of other maladies
that are amplified by being obese or larger.
And kids? Well, as a midwife, let me tell you about having kids as a fat
chick (even though I was one of them). The risk of illness, dying, or the
baby dying is incredibly greater if you are over 200 pounds; the fatter you
are, the greater the risks. Then, even fatter, the ability to even *get*
pregnant becomes an issue. Obesity is the number one cause of infertility
treatments because of PCOS (Polycystic ovary syndrome… where the body
just quits ovulating among other delightful symptoms like facial hair, a
buffalo hump on the back, and acne).
Again, only YOU can decide, Jazmin… think long and hard before going
through with your surgery Monday. Know that if you are prepared, there are
plenty of us out here to encourage you through the rough times and remind
you of the sheer joy of the good times ahead. And, if you choose to wait,
we are still here… to educate, be examples, share our stories… all
until you are ready. You are young and not incredibly fat (yet)… you
might heal so easily… easier than when I did at 40 and I didn’t do so
badly. But then, I knew I had no hesitancy in going for surgery because I
*was* so sick with fatness… it was either surgery or die… and I have
wayyyyyyyy too much to live for.
I hope you find your peace.
Barbara Herrera
San Diego, CA - 41 years old
Open RNY April 5, 2001
Dr. Julie Ellner, Alvarado Hospital, San Diego, CA
04/05/01: 344# / BMI: 63/ Body Fat%: 75%
04/05/02: 172# / BMI: 31.6/ Body Fat%: 28%
04/16/02: 165#/ BMI: 30.2
One Year Re-Birth Day: healed of ALL co-morbs, mobile beyond every
expectation, every pre-op dream surpassed a million-fold, and smaller than
any memory.
February 25th, 2004 at 7:04 am
Hi Jazmin,
All I can do is relate my story. I’m 42, 6′ 4″ and I weighed 371 pounds at
the time of my surgery. I had Lap RNY 10 days ago. I have come through the
operation complication free so far. I have a lot of gas and bloating but
I’ve been told that it slowly dissipates. I have my first check-up today to
get the staples removed and I’ll weigh-in at that time. My guess is that
I’ve lost 15-20 pounds so far.
I made the decision to have this surgery for one very simple reason, the
path that I was on was going to kill me. I had lost and regained weight so
many times, I knew that any diet that I tried would ultimately lead to
failure. I am also starting to feel the negative health effects of my
obesity now that I’m in my 40s. I have arthritis in my left ankle and right
knee. It is severely hindering my mobility. I am taking Lipitor to try and
keep my cholesterol under control. My blood pressure has been slowly
creeping upward over the past few years and I am borderline having to go on
blood pressure medicine. I am a pilot and am virtually unemployable right
now due to my weight.
Your girl friend complains of a lack of social life. I’ve already been out
to restaurants with my family. I’m not sure what she means. You need to
restructure your eating patterns but you can almost always find something
to eat on the menu especially after the first six months following your
surgery. I had mashed potatoes when we went out the other night and damned
if they weren’t yummy. (After 8 days of liquids, it was the best thing I’ve
eaten in years <VBG
No one can make this decision for you but you need to really ask yourself
if you want to spend the next 15-20 years obese and then have some type of
catastrophic health condition kill or cripple you. That’s what awaits most
morbidly obese folks at the end of the pipeline.
This surgery has saved my life and I would go through everything I have so
far, once a month, to be free of the inevitable result of my obesity. Good
luck in your decision and we’ll be here for you should you need to talk.
Jim
Lap RNY 5/6/02
Dr. Nick Bertha
Morristown NJ
371/???/220
February 25th, 2004 at 9:19 pm
Jasmin,
Every one is different. You need to make sure you are making this
decision for the right reasons. Think it through, listen to what she is
complaining of as ask yourself if you are willing to deal with the same
stuff, only with a positive attitude.
Once you ask honestly answer that you are on your way. My surgery
moved very fast as well, things just fell in line. I took that as a sign
that it was meant to be. I had my surgery On July 5th 2001, I am 10 months
out, I am healthy, active, pretty and enjoying my second chance at life. I
was 5′2″ 256, as of today I weigh 142 and losing slowly. I exercise and
watch what I eat, but I DO NOT and NEVER did REGRET this surgery. It has
been a BLESSING send from GOD.
Remember you need to keep a positive attitude, it helps in the healing
process. The first month is hard, I won’t kid you, but for me the pain level
was nothing, but the craving and food demons was tough. Think about why you
are doing this and embrace the journey.
Good Luck to you.
Jeanne
February 26th, 2004 at 1:49 pm
Just my two cents - I had my surgery on 3/22/02 and have had lots of
pain, lots of nausea & vomiting, haven’t been able to get around
well, etc.
BUT…
I would do it again in a heartbeat. Maybe not now (this was a busy
time of year for me to be away from work!) but I’d still do it, even
if I knew ahead of time what the pain & etc. would be like. I
started at 394 lbs, on a 5′6″ frame. I’ve been MO most of my life.
I’ve done the diet yo-yo over and over. I am sick of it all. I’d
gotten to where I couldn’t get around well, couldn’t enjoy life,
didn’t have any real pleasures left other than food. Couldn’t play
with my kids, etc.
At almost two months out, I’ve lost at least 62 pounds, possibly
more. My scale doesn’t go that high, so won’t know for sure until I
go to the dr. next week. All of my clothes fit loosely - some of
them so ridiculously so that my SO told me to throw them out! I have
a FACE and CHEEKBONES for the first time in years. Although the pain
from my incision & drainage holes keeps me from being too mobile, I
can still see where things are easier. Showering is easier. Going
to the bathroom (& cleaning up) is easier. I can reach all those
places I couldn’t reach before. I can tie my shoes.
I do miss food. I don’t want it - it makes me sick - but I miss it.
I see commercials on TV and such and it looks SO good. I’ve gone to
a few family events where I could not eat anything and it was a
little odd, but I’m getting used to it. I know that the end result
of this surgery will make it all worthwhile.
This is a decision each of us have to make for ourselves. Don’t let
your friend’s moaning and whining affect YOUR decision. Everyone
reacts differently. I’ve seen other open RNY people talk about how
good they felt a week after surgery and I am amazed and jealous!
Play the tape all the way through and think about what your life will
be like if you DON’T have this surgery.
Good luck! My prayers & thoughts are with you.
Warmly,
Lori H.
Open RNY 3/22/02
394-332-125
February 26th, 2004 at 6:14 pm
No one can make the decision to have this surgery but
you. I don’t think it’s uncommon to question our
decisions at some point post op. No matter how much
research we’ve done or how many people we’ve talked
to, you never really know what it’s like until you’ve
had the surgery. I knew all along that my issues with
food would return - it wasn’t a question of if, but
when. And sure enough, two days ago I hid an oreo
cookie in the bathroom to eat later. And I ate it
later. The difference is that now I can only eat one.
And I came clean with myself almost immediately about
the behavior. Will I slip up again? I expect I will.
But I also expect to handle it better than I did
prior to surgery because before wls, I felt hopeless.
And now I don’t. It’s a big adjustment when your life
revolved around food to make it revolve around
something else. Luckily, my friends have been very
supportive in changing activities. Instead of going
out to eat, we go play paddle tennis. Or go for a
hike. And I’m more social now - because I’m less
self-conscious than I used to be. I’m sorry your
friend is having such a hard time adjusting. But
adjust we must. There’s no going back - not really.
It’s hard work. And the farther out I am, the harder
it is. So if you decide to go through with the
surgery, be prepared to face food challenges. Be
prepared to make life changes - you’ll have to learn
to fill yourself up with something other than food.
But as difficult as it can be some days, it’s not as
hard as looking in the mirror and being ashamed of how
I looked. Or being afraid of dying young because of
diabetes and high blood pressure. Or being disgusted
because I felt that I’d lost control of my life. I
still have moments when I just want to eat anything
and everything in sight. I don’t want to feel full
after 4 ounces of food. I want to binge! But I
can’t. So instead, I go to the fridge and open the
door and look at the bottles of insulin I leave there
to remind me of what life was like before surgery.
And the frustration passes. And when I’m finally
feeling physically hungry, I reach for a piece of
skinless broiled chicken or a slice of deli ham and I
eat. And say a little prayer of thanks for my new
life.
Best,
Jennie
lap rny 9/11/01
-117#s