Comments on: Letter From My aunt

By: serena_1600

serena_1600 — Sat, 02 Jul 2005 19:30:02 +0000

I turned 26 on Nov. 22, 2002. I had my RNY on December 2, 2002. I
have been fat since puberty. My highest weight pre-op (September 2002) was
314. I weighed myself yesterday on my scale at home and I was at 270. Prior
to my RNY, seemingly all I could do was gain weight. If I watched what went
in my mouth every day, briskly walked for 25 minutes (which only got more and
more difficult), and got on the scale, it still wouldn’t budge. It wasn’t a
choice of whether I wanted A cookie or A slice bread. My weight on my 5′4″
frame did not get to be where it was because of a single cookie or a
sandwich. It got that way because of genes, depression, compulsiveness, bad
habits, lack of exercise…
I sat on this decision for over a year. You can cover as many bases
as you possibly can with facts, you can cover your behind as much as you can
by arming yourself with every bit of knowledge about gastric bypass surgery
you can find. If you are comfortable with your decision, it will be enough.
However, please know that you can’t know EVERYTHING. You will still have

some questions after you’ve had the surgery. Every week I encounter
questions that I couldn’t have dreamed up before this surgery- ranging from
how to deal with interpersonal relationships to something so instinctual-
eating food. Things I thought I had covered pre-op.
This is a life changing surgery. One I would do again, if I had to.
However, there are very difficult parts to this. There are many times during
the day that my stomach and my head don’t get along. They are no longer
friends. My head ruled the roost for entirely too long. My stomach is now
in the drivers seat, and sometimes they don’t agree. I’ve been struggling
with so many things since the surgery- things that aren’t even related! Some
moments I catch myself wishing I could just revert back to the person I was
before because that would be “easy.” However, more and more frequently, I’m
noticing that those thoughts are replaced by the person who can walk without
her back hurting, who isn’t afraid that one of her knees isn’t going to give
out at 26, who gained a smidge more self confidence, and is proud of herself
when she steps on the scale and sees the numbers going in the opposite
direction.
My family was concerned, too. Please do not get the impression that
they were overjoyed at the thought of their daughter, granddaughter, niece,
cousin, voluntarily hopping up on a gurney and having major surgery. No one
wants someone’s life to come to this moment. No parent hopes their child has
to go through this. But also, no parent should have to fear that their child
will die of a heart attack. Or will live out her days trapped in her home.
Or will die of various and sundry other goodies that are specifically linked
to the fat on her frame. For that matter, forget that others were worried
and concerned for me. I was concerned for me. I was a grab bag of diseases
waiting to happen, and I didn’t want to fall victim.
Your aunt, who has every right to be concerned, also has every right
to not support you in your decision to do this. But until she can take
insulin for the diabetes that you are going to eventually get, until she can
take the brunt of the insults that are hurled your way, until she can deal
with all the negative aspects of being overweight, rather than you…. You
are the one who retains all the assets and liabilities of your weight. You
are the one who will lie awake at night and deal with whatever decisions you
make.
Jess S.
Lap RNY 12/02/02
Dr. Frederick Finelli
314/270/???
Message: 6
Date: Wed, 15 Jan 2003 18:01:56 EST
From: Lynn4276@…
Subject: Letter From My aunt
I read it and will continue to be concerned. This women are older than you
and believe me I KNOW it’s not easy. I can’t manage to lose 20 lbs so I’m
not trying to make light of this issue. However, I think that if you are
considering surgery than you should try to eat healthy, not be on a diet, but
make educated choices about the food you eat. Do you want the cookie or
piece of bread more than you want to be thin? If you aren’t eating right or
exercising now how do you make those changes after the surgery. I keep
thinking you are only 27 and you are considering major surgery that will
change your life forever. I’m still for small steps over a long period of
time. That’s how Aunt Karen did it. It will come off a lot faster for you
than it did for her because she is in her 40’s and you are in your 20’s. I
only half listened when people told me the older you get the more diffficult
it is to lose weight. I now know that is the truth, however, there are
plenty of people who manage to do it with diet and exercise. Surgery is such
a drastic and life altering step. I know you want to lose weight and I
support that, at this point it’s just hard for me to support this surgery.

By: mellie_500

mellie_500 — Sat, 02 Jul 2005 10:29:41 +0000

Hello. I read your letter from your aunt. I have to say that I have
hear similar things from my family. Reading your letter brought back
all those things that my family was saying that started to discourage
me from getting the surgery.
Well, let me say this first. I am 21 years old. I am now 3 months
out from surgery as of January 18th(yea me!!). I know very well that
I didn’t enter this surgery lightly. I researched it for almost 2
years before I finally had the surgery done. I read just about
everything on the internet pertaining to the surgery and talked to so
many people, I can’t even remember all the people that I have talked
to about this. I also would watch everything on tv that come on that
even remotely had to do with the surgery, good or bad. I watched the
surgery shows on TLC.
Even though I am young, I know what was right for me. I have been
heavy my whole life. I have been made fun of, stared at, and beaten

up because I was a ‘chunky’ kid. Obesity runs in my family, on both
sides. For me, there is no escaping it. I decided after first
hearing about the surgery that I was going to research it and then
see from there. I tried every kind of diet or pill. At 15 I was on
Redux, and at 16 I tried the phen-fen, but that got pulled off the
market very soon after that. I knew that I didn’t want to go through
life fat, and dieting was not going to help me. I tried it. The
most that I lost from a diet was counting calories. I stayed under
1000 calories per day and did that for about 3 months and lost 45
lbs. That was good! But then came the holidays, and everything got
put back on and more! As usual!
When I was really starting to get psyched about the possibities that
lie ahead of me if I had the surgery, I started going to support
group meetings with another girl from my mom’s work that had the
surgery done. She was 24 when she had it done. Going to those
meetings really opened my eyes to just all the hardships that I would
endure as a result from this surgery. But to me, anything that I had
to deal with from having the surgery, far outweighed all the
hardships I would endure being fat.
When I decided that surgery was the thing for me, I was 19. Very
young, I know. A lot of stuff happened since then that prevented me
from having the surgery, ie: moving out of state and changing
insurances. But now I have had it done, and I couldn’t be happier.
When my mom and I talked to our family about what I was going to be
doing and why, they were anything but supportive. My grandmother was
very eager to just put me on another diet. She said that I am too
young to be making this kind of adult decision. My aunt said that
she has heard of too many bad things that have happened to people and
she doesn’t want anything bad to happen to me. This went on for over
over a year. They kept trying to talk me out of my decision. But I
finally just told them how it was going to be. I let my family know
that I appreciate their concern. I love them very much and I know
that they just tell me this stuff because they love me too. But no
one can make this choice for me and no one can un-make this choice
for me. I let them know that I don’t want to go through my life
being fat. I don’t want to be 40 and have the surgery done and then
have reget and wonder what if I had the surgery done when I first
though about it.
I know that this is the right decision for me. Not for everyone. I
did not enter into this decision lightly and I am taking the whole
process very seriously. I do agree with one of the previous
responses, I was not able to choose my food before and I was not able
to kick my butt into gear to go exercise. I can now do so much now
and make better choices for myself than I ever was able to do before
having this surgery.
I know that this is a long post, sorry. But I feel very strongly
about people who think that just because someone is young, that they
can’t make a life altering decision about their own life. I disagree
wholeheartedly!! I fell very confident that the life altering choice
I made will ONLY be for the better!
I wish you all the luck in the world in pursuit of having the
surgery. You are in my prayers. And remember, this is your life,
your body, your decision. If your aunt isn’t going to be there for
you, then just remember that you have the rest of your family and all
your friends! Well, you have us too!!
Good luck!!
Sarah
Surgery date: 10/18/2002
Pre-op: 360
Post-op(so far): 305

By: Madge Alysia

Madge Alysia — Thu, 30 Jun 2005 23:32:08 +0000

Well i know a girl that had the surgery in her early 20’s. She was just married
and had no children yet. She now had a 4 yr old son, twin girls that are 2 and
is expecting any day now. People can say oh you can just do it with diet and
excercise and you know if that works its great for them, but for some of us its
not that easy. Once you get to a certain point diet and excercise just aren’t
cutting it. My husband had the surgery in Feb. 2002 and has lost almost 200 lbs.
He is so much healthier now and does so much more. He is on disability and hopes
to return to work soon. I myself have just recently been approved for my
disability, it was to the point that i could not work because if my weight. I
cannot stand for more that 15 minutes to cook or wash dishes, cleaning my house
is a full day’s job. I will have Medicare in May and the first thing i am doing
is making an appointment with the surgeon that did my husband’s surgery. With
diet and excercise i can take off 20 to 25 lbs and thats great but then it stops
there and no more comes off. This surgery is not for those who need to just take
off 20 to 25 lbs it is for those of us who need to shed hundreds of lbs. Well

sorry for the long post but it just irks me for people that are against the
surgery to come in here and try to convince us that all we need to do is diet
and excercise, and the worse part are that the people that always say that to me
are people that are no more than 30 lbs overweight. They don’t know the life i
have lived as a fat person. I will be 42 in June and i hope to be having surgery
for my birthday. I just want to let you know that whatever you do there are
great people here to support you. Good luck and many prayers.
Lisa Landrum

By: Merle Gregoria

Merle Gregoria — Thu, 30 Jun 2005 20:33:21 +0000

I am a bit confused about this note.Is this verbatim what your aunt wrote
you? If so then I get it. But if this is your response to a letter from your
aunt than I am even more perplexed. WHOEVER WROTE IT — this is my answer to
them:
I was 26 when I had my surgery and I don’t understand why you believe that
you have a right to tell someone that they shouldn’t have surgery because
they should try diet and exercise. You have 20 pounds to lose so therefore
you understand? Let me just say this — bullshit. 20 pounds is a lifetime
away from 100, 200 or more that we have to lose when we start considering
surgery. We have tried dieting. We have tried everything. No one that i know
of has entered into surgery lightly. We have all thought long and hard about
it and took it as a last step. Yes it is drastic but I don’t get why you
think that just because someone is in their 20s that they are taking this
lightly. You can be all for small steps over a long period of time and
surgery can help people there. Diet and exercise is fine. HOWEVER it does

not work except for a very small percentage of people (about 5%). Bully for
you if that is how you or Aunt Karen did it. Applause all around but how
dare you decide that you have a right to dictate how someone else decides to
lose their weight. How dare you decide to judge someone who is doing
research and learning. Open your mind and learn something for crying out
loud. Surgery is drastic? Maybe. Surgery is life-altering? HELL YES! It
alters life in giving people more of it. It allows them to be more active
and more energetic and healthier. It allows them even to bring more life
into this world. Educate yourself and find out about it from those who have
had it. Open your mind rather than being ignorant and judgmental. Dieting is
the answer for a few but surgery is also an answer for others.
OKay.. enough of my rant.
Sincerely,
Denise Rasley
mailto: drasley@…
BTC, Columbus, 10/7/98