By: Neva Marjory

Neva Marjory — Tue, 02 May 2006 00:53:26 +0000

Your post really touched me. While reading it I felt as though I was reading
about myself.
I’ve been experiencing the same things lately. The whole reflection thing really
hit home
for me. I have always avoided mirrors (like everyone else I guess). When I would
see a
reflection of myself before surgery it was almost as if I was looking at someone
else. I
guess in my mind’s eye I have always seen myself as a thin person (but haven’t
been one
since I was 10) and when I saw what I really looked like, it would just break my
heart and
my spirit every single time. Now that I’m post-op (5′1″ and down 94lbs from 248)
I’m
just starting to be able to stop and look at myself in a mirror or a store

window. It truly
warms my heart to finally start to see the person that I have always known has
been
hiding inside all of that fat for so long. I just want to cry and laugh and jump
up and
down all at the same time. What a wonderful feeling. But going along with all of
this is
another thought -I wonder how long it will be this time? How long will this
last? When am
I gonna start gaining the weight back like I’ve done on all those diets? That
thought is
ever-present. It’s not overwhelming or anything but it is always there in the
back of my
mind.
As far as jealous friends go, I’ve just started to experience that one as well.
I have a
friend who has also struggled with her weight for quite a few years (not nearly
as bad as
me though). When I told her that I was having the surgery, she was very happy
for me
and she told me that she was also going to lose her excess weight at the same
time. She
said “if you can do it, I can do it too”. So know that 6 months have passed and
I’ve lost
94 lbs and she has not well things aren’t so hot between us. I wanted to tell
her in the
beginning that she was just setting herself up for disappointment, but I
couldn’t really
think of a way to do so. Like you, I really try not to focus on myself when I’m
around her
because I don’t want the backlash. We went shopping the other day and out of the
blue
she says to me “I have a friend who’s father had the same surgery as you a long
time ago
and he’s gained all his weight back” so I asked her what kind of surgery he had
and
explained that the surgery has changed quite a bit over the years and yes, even
with my
surgery there was about a 25% chance of gaining your weight back -it was not a
sure
thing. Her reply was “oh no, it was the same surgery as yours and I think that
everyone
eventually gains the weight back because your stomach stretches out and your
metabolism goes back to what it was”. Well, I won’t tell you what I wanted to do
and say
to her -I just quickly changed the subject and that was it. I knew that
discussing it any
further would get me no where.
I was very hurt by what she said but I guess I’m not alone in the experience and
I really
appreciated hearing your story. I also loved the comment someone else made about
friends being in your life for a day or a season or a lifetime. I’ve never heard
that before
and it makes so much sense. Thank you all so much for being there.
Meredith
lap rny 1/6/03
down 94lbs so far

By: Lois Lancaster

Lois Lancaster — Fri, 28 Apr 2006 16:36:13 +0000

CJ,
Shout it from the rooftops and NEVER stop! You did something to be proud of.
Not only losing 200 pounds but making the decision to DO something about your
weight. Like all of us, we did this for our health 1st and the weight loss is
an added blessing! You have every right to be proud and there is no need to
hide your light under a bushel!
So, it makes them uncomfortable that you have taken control of your life? So,
they are jealous? Let them be jealous and uncomfortable! It’s their issue not
yours! Even if you don’t say anything they are STILL going to be uncomfortable
and jealous! It’s not going to stop just because you do not show your delight
with the new you!
It’s not so much they want you to fail it’s they want to succeed. So, if they
cannot succeed it makes them uncomfortable and you are the closest target for
them! It’s a shame they can’t be supportive and accepting but you know what,
that’s life. We reap what we sow and with their attitudes it makes it very

difficult for them to succeed so they turn that frustration over to you! And
they are the only ones who can change their attitudes. NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO OR
HOW YOU ACT WITH THEM IT WILL NOT CHANGE THEIR ATTITUDE! Only they can do that
and it won’t happen until the dissatisfaction with themselves is the strongest
thing pulling at them.
CJ, it doesn’t sound like you go around bragging that you lost 200 pounds. The
weight loss has given you your confidence back. It’s allowed you to truly love
yourself and be happy with the person you are right now! NEVER LET GO OF THAT
FEELING!
As for the friends, I’m reminded that friends are meant to come into our lives
for a day or a season or a lifetime. If these are truly lifetime friends they
will make the changes necessary to maintain the friendship. Perhaps they were
only meant to be friends for a season and that season has passed. If so, that
is sad, but I’m sure many lessons were learned by all sides.
Bright blessings to you and embrace the “you” that you are!
Rev. Pam
Open RNY 12/11/02
318.5/223

Comments on: Dealing with jealousy “on the other side”

By: Neva Marjory

By: Lois Lancaster