is it really finally here? THE day?
It is difficult to believe it is here. Tomorrow is my Lap RNY. I have
been working towards this day for almost a year. Heck sometimes it
feels like I have been working towards this my whole life. My life.
That is what this is about right? I have read until there are no
more books to read, I have searched the internet until I have every
worthwhile site bookmarked. I am active in 3 support groups. Yet I
cannot believe it is here. Sometimes I feel like I am already post-
op. People ask questions of post-ops and I have to stop myself from
answering. LOL. Than why is it that I am having such a difficult
time believing it is really going to happen? I imagine it is much
like my friends who have had baby’s describe `preparing’ for birth.
You know what it is supposed to be like, you’ve watched the movies,
read the books, heard the stories, but will it really be that way for
you once it really happens? What will the pain really be like? But,
nature just takes over. A baby.
Heck no wonder I compare the two things. For me, it is what brought
me here. We tried for 2 years to get pregnant. Nothing wrong with
either of us except my weight. Guess my body knew it was not ready to
add more weight with a pregnancy. So instead of continuing with
fertility treatments, I decided to pay more attention to me and my
health. After all, being the weight I was, how could I have taken
care of a baby, and then a toddler? My knees and back hurt from just
carrying me!
So I started my journey to get healthy. And it lead me here. I have
learned so very much. About WLS, about those who have had it, and
those trying to get it. I have learned so very much about me, what
lead me to this point. What food and my weight really are all about
and what I have been using them for.
As difficult as it is to wrap my head around the fact that my surgery
is almost here, I almost feel a strange peace. Sure I have a few
moments of crazy anxiety thoughts. I have my insurance approval, I
have all the tests, I have lost the required weight and then some. I
have fought and continue to fight demons; carbs, food, criticism. I
know that these demons wont go away after my surgery. I know that the
battle will forever continue. And I am ok with that. I am ok.
Well thank you all for being here, the on-line support and
information is awesome. And I plan on drawing from it even more once
I am an actual `Post-op’. I don’t know why I really wrote this
post. Just kinda felt like I needed to.
Please have a good thought for me tomorrow morning, November 20,
2003. I will be having Lap RNY at Stanford Univ.
Best wishes, and Peace to you all,
Kate O
Northern CA
Starting BMI:57.4
Current BMI:46.9