Comments on: Lifestyle Changes

By: Neva Marjory

Neva Marjory — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 22:26:03 +0000

Well, guys from the responses most people feel that I may actually be wrapped
up in myself. I was MO all my life. I was miserable. I am just not the same
person. Since I shared this and gotten responses back, and taking into account
what my beloved sisters have said….Well maybe I am obnoxious. And maybe its
been all about me, me, me. I am willing to look at that and accept that about
myself . But gosh how can we not, for a time, be that way when everything is
so different? I guess if people didnt care they wouldnt be honest and perhaps
my time of self-obsession has come to an end. At least to the outside world.
lol.
Thank you for all your responses.
Love-Trixie

By: Raquel Micaela

Raquel Micaela — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 05:16:54 +0000

I would like to add my 2c to this subject and it’s in general, now necessarily
for WLS patients.
There is something to be said for “speaking one’s mind” as it relates to not
allowing people to take advantage of you……. however, there are things some
people say that makes me NOT want to be around them….. they are:
offering unsolicited advice (I think you need couseling, I don’t think you’re as
happy as you think you are)
making unnecessary negative comments (are you suppose to eat THAT much?)
attempting to educate everyone else about everything you know (that’s not the
way that is suppose to be done, let me show you the RIGHT way)
one-upping everything that is said (that’s nothing, you should see what happened
to me……etc)
putting other people down, “attempting to enlighten them” (the reason you brag
and exaggerate so much is because you are so insecure)
I, personally, preferring to be a non confrontative person, make every effort to

avoid people who do these things. Life is too short to spend time with people
who aren’t fun to be around or make you feel uncomfortable. (I have a brother
who does all the things I mentioned.)
Just my 2c!!!!
Cheers, everyone!
Jenelle from Leesburg, FL
SW 274
CW 182
GW 134
LAP RNY, 4/15/03, Dr. Jawad, Ocala FL

By: Eve Kyra

Eve Kyra — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 19:09:11 +0000

I just wanted to add to this thread a bit. My marriage was good before WLS, and
is fantastic now after it. My DH (dear husband) and I have embraced the new “me”
and really, most of our arguments now have vanished. Before the surgery, I was
REALLY moody, picking fights for no reason, etc. but that part of me is gone
now. I think it was the fact that I was so miserable in my body, I needed to
make everyone else miserable with me. I don’t really know, but I do know that
know we are like yin and yang, we just mesh right.
I want to add a story to Trixie’s post about her sisters comments. This is ALL
too common after WLS. I am NOT saying you (Trixie) necessarily did anything to
deserve this, you lost a tremendous amount of weight and have gone through some
amazing changes, BUT, one of my BEST friends had WLS exactly one year before I
did and OMG can you say wrapped up in herself?? She became cocky, arrogant,
vocal in her opinions, and basically a take it or leave it attitude, if you
don’t like the new thin beautiful her now, screw you, so to speak. All she could
talk about was her surgery, and her, her, her. How she looked in clothes, what

guys checked her out that day, how great she felt. If she asked how you were
doing, it was obvious it was just to go through the motion because as soon as
you finished talking, it was right back to her. The world revolved around Jen.
I was one of the first to call her on it and say Look, you are so damn full of
yourself it’s disgusting. She was FLOORED. Barely talked to me for a couple
months, but I had to say something, everytime we spoke I wanted to reach through
the phone and shake her. I finally said something to her after her husband
called me and said I can’t take it, she acts as if she is a supermodel or
princess and we are all her “peasants” now (his words).
After not really talking to her for a few months, she called me one day and said
I am SO sorry, you were so right.
I guess most everyone decided to take the “leave her” option of her attitude and
she lost most of her friends.
What she felt she was coming across as self assured and confident, was cocky and
arrogant and rude. But she didn’t see it then, it took some time. She was always
morbidly obese, even as a child, so this new confidence she had overwhelmed her,
and she didn’t even realize she was being so obnoxious. She assumed that’s how
the other half always lived, so to speak.
She is now back down on our planet, enjoying her new body, and no offending
everyone she meets. LOL.
Trixie, I am NOT saying this to attack you, or accuse you, or anything like
that, I just wanted to share my friends story so you know this happens and we
don’t always realize it when it does.
Kelly
Lap RNY 8/28/02 @ 314 pounds, size 30/32
Now….@ 147 pounds, size 6,8,10! (Depends on the maker)

By: rebekah_170

rebekah_170 — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 12:52:35 +0000

Hi Stacie!
I read your email about losing your sex drive and I wonder if it could be
hormone related. Heavier women produce more estrogen than women who weigh less.
Perhaps as you’ve lost weight, the estrogen level has changed also. My
doctor warned me that this might happen as my body changes… hormone imbalances
that need balancing… at least temporarily until the body adjusts. It might be
worth talking to your doctor about. Hormone imbalances can become quite
unpleasant if untreated. But at least mention this to your doctor! He/She
might
be able to save your sex life and your marriage! Jane in VA
Scheduled for surgery in 2 days!

By: Neva Marjory

Neva Marjory — Sun, 01 Oct 2006 22:06:54 +0000

I am going thru relationship changes. My marriage is actually better than it
ever was. We have gone to counseling and after just a few sessions we are
really doing great. But my 2 sisters that I am soooooo close to have told me I
need to get over my surgery. There’s so much more to life they said. They cant
even talk to me anymore because I am so wrapped up in myself. I was floored to
say the least. I am not saying that I am perfect, but this is a big deal, I’ve
been released from a prison. I have really examined my actions and I feel that
I need to apoligize for being a completely different person. But guess what,
I am not going to. I am not the same needy person who has no life. I have a
life, I have a career for the first time in my life. I get compliments, but most
importantly, I speak my mind. I never ever did that before. Maybe thats the
problem. But its there problem not mine. If they ask I talk about my weight,
but now I will not bring it up. And yes I probably was too wrapped up in that.
But I lost a whole person. Anyone else know where I’m coming from?
Trixie

-134

By: Neva Marjory

Neva Marjory — Sun, 01 Oct 2006 19:05:43 +0000

Hi guys, I feel like I’m going through the same thing. Except I’m the
one not sure I want to be in the marriage anymore. I have mood swings
from time to time, (I’m on a med that usually seems to help)mostly
over things with the kids… let me follow up that statement by
saying I have a “blended” family, we have custody of his son and my
daughter. We’ve been together almost 4 years now, married 2 1/2, and
sometimes I wish it was just my daughter and me again. She has a form
of autism called Aspergers, and I’m very protective of her, and feel
like my husband will NEVER understand her or see my viewpoint on
things. Seems like the things he lets his son get away with set my
teeth on edge yet she gets called down on the slightest little thing.
Barbara and I have emailed about the “blended family” thing, 2 people
in a relationship with their kid(s) and mine. It has its own set of
issues with different parenting styles, children from 2 different
families, ex’s, different in-laws, name it.

I don’t know what this has to do with WLS other than I am more
assertive now, but still have guilt feelings over what I put him
through with all my complications and almost losing me with the
surgery messup. We’ve had a rough couple of years, he became a heart
patient, we’ve both lost our jobs and did the unemployment thing
(he’s still on it and the pressure of supporting us is getting to me
too), sometimes I wonder if he’s looking hard enough, our ex’s aren’t
supporting their children, (they’ve been turned in but it hasn’t
helped any) and then the WLS ordeal with me almost dying. Sheesh…
thanks for letting me vent, I’m about to drive my poor mom crazy with
my on-again off-again feelings… my DH too, I’m sure.
Kay
WLS March 2003
41, 5′4″
225/138 and time to stop now

By: karmen_130

karmen_130 — Sun, 01 Oct 2006 15:05:06 +0000

Hiya everyone,
Well, my life has change with my husband that is for sure. My husband bought
me a year supply of Advimill (hoping for a sex drive). Before I lost weight I
had a huge sex drive, but since then I don’t I could care less if I ever get
it again… I don’t know if it has anything to do with the fact that my husband
is all over me now that I have lost the weight… anyone else going through
that????
Stacie

By: Adrienne Jacque

Adrienne Jacque — Sun, 01 Oct 2006 09:22:48 +0000

Hi all,
I’ve been reading some posts on the changes our lives go through after
surgery and I wanted to add my two cents, if that’s ok. While I haven’t had
mine as of yet, there are changes Joe and I are both going through in
preparation for next month. His biggest fear is that I’ll die. He’s
petrified of that. He has nightmares about it. Next, he’s scared I’ll get
skinny, (like that could happen) and I’ll leave him for someone thinner. (He
s a big guy) He’s not obese like me, but tall and muscular with a little bit
of a tummy from his love of ice cream and soda. We’ve been married for
almost 25 years, and I can’t imagine living a life without him. He is my
soul mate. But he is aware that changes will occur in me after the surgery
and it scares the h**l out of him. I think, personally, if we just use
patience, love, compassion and take time to listen, that we’ll be just fine.
I don’t know if these thoughts will help anyone other than me, but if they
do, then I’m glad.

Thanks for listening.
Nona

By: Merle Gregoria

Merle Gregoria — Sun, 01 Oct 2006 06:01:49 +0000

Okay Barb,
Since you pointed to me I will jump in here.
My marriage ended not because of anyone else — contrary to what my ex
thinks — but because of how he reacted when I was honest with him. I always
believed that was honesty was important — probably the most important thing
in the world. If I couldn’t be honest, be who I really was, then what is the
point of being with someone else?
Well for the first time in our marriage, I had someone make a pass at me.
They kissed me. I didn’t know how to react. I mean I told them I was married
and said that I was not interested. But I didn’t understand why. No one had
ever done that. I figured my husband and I could work through this together.
WEll his response when I told him that someone kissed me was that I just
lost my daughter. He was leaving and taking her away from me because I was a
no good slut.
Thanks a whole heck of a lot. Then he decided if I didn’t talk to any guys

that would be the best thing. Oh and if I would drop out of law school I
would have more time to spend with the family. Oh and by the way I shouldn’t
go anywhere without him. Oh and I should give him my cell phone because then
I wouldn’t be able to cheat.
The point he missed was that I didn’t want to cheat. I wanted to stick with
my marriage. Until I realized that he didn’t want an equal partner. He
wanted to dominate me. He wanted to control what i did. Sorry. A marriage is
a partnership. So for three months I locked myself in my bedroom every night
and started talking to new people. Started creating a new life.
He started becoming more harassing. He said he was going to charge me rent.
If I lived under his roof, I would abide by his rules. He disconnected the
phone line to my bedroom because he said I didn’t deserve it. He started
taking things out of my car because he figured he owned it and he had a
right to it. He listened to my phone conversations.
I moved out August 1 and started dating August 7 someone who I had known –
no, not the guy who kissed me. Its been up and down since then. Things have
happened. My now ex has done everything from bang on my car windows to call
me names in front of my daughter; he has made derogatory remarks about my
now new husband and threatened to get me evicted. He brought me Xmas
ornaments I was awarded in the divorce and included a white acrylic one with
the words “F**k You* written on it in black marker.
Do I regret the surgery? No. Do I regret knowing my ex? I can’t because I
have a delightful little girl from that marriage.
Do I regret that my ex turned into a controllling distrustful sob? Nothing I
could have done to stop that. I could have stayed nailed to his side and i
dont think that would have changed anything. Before this happened, he was
criticizing my taste in music, my taste in television shows and other
things, how I dressed (normally jeans and a t-shirt). He was spending more
time with his friend Linda because he could talk to her he said than he was
at home. He was more comfortable talking to her than me. But when I said I
wanted a divorce he said he wouldn’t let me get it. He would not allow me a
divorce because I didn’t deserve it.
And I thought we had a good marriage before surgery and would survive. WE
did but only because I was completely devoted to him with no outside
interests. I had nothing in my life but him … After surgery I started
becoming more outgoing. Making new friends and getting new interests. I
never tried to exclude him but he was not interested in going out with me.
Anyway, relationships — they go through a transition. Some live, some die.
Some wither, some prosper. Mine withered and died. It has been hard but I
can legitimately say it was for the best.
Denise Rasley
mailto: drasley@…
BTC, Columbus, 10/7/98

By: Neva Marjory

Neva Marjory — Sun, 01 Oct 2006 03:59:44 +0000

Tamera,
I wish that there was something that I could say that would make
it all better for you but alas, there is not. I would say that I
think what you are going through is not untypical of WLS patients.
Trying to “find ourselves” after surgery can be a jaunting task.
Imagine how our loved ones feel? They didn’t “ask” for this, they
just promised to be supportive, and look what they get stuck with.
You have to really look at your husband and your marriage and
determine if there is anything there that is worth saving. Do you
love him? Does he love you? What do you both want out of this
relationship? It sounds as though you want to go looking for
something that is long gone… your youth. I know that losing all of
this weight can in some ways feel like you have it back again but at
what expense are you willing to pay? I think that you should talk
with your family Doctor and see about getting on some

antidepressants. That should definately help with the mood swings,
maybe more. Please hang in there, and try to get some help. Beit
drugs or counseling, maybe even both. Know that you are not alone and
that it is something that should be talked about more often here, the
emotional roller coaster we get on months after surgery. Good luck
with your husband, I hope that it all works out for the best.
Shelly
LapRNY 3/3/03
258/155//??
5′3 37yrs