The “Ugly Side”
August 15 I will be 2 years out. Some days I get so frustrated when
I see posts about ones wearing size 4, 6 etc. For me, I started
out at 365, and have been “maintaining” at 210-215 for the last 15
months. Yes, that’s right, maintaining. I still can’t shop
in “little shops”, I’m still stuck with womens sizes; except now it
is a 1X, then before it was a 4X.
I have never gotten do to 205, that was my low point, and just like
when I used to diet all the time, it lasted for about 5 minutes. 
But, it has alot to do with my body type that I keep saying to
myself as to why I will never get below 200. I’m 5′11, and look
damned good for my 46 years. I know that I could eat alot more than
I usually do; and sometimes I do catch myself at eating until I
could get sick. In front of the tv with a bag of chips; and I will
pay for that little accident for the next couple days to make sure
that I don’t gain any weight. I do eat “junk food”, like ONE little
peanut butter cup (miniatures), or one jelly bean, etc. I only eat
ONE, the most junk that I can remember eating is about 6 M&Ms and I
felt guilty as all get out for days over that “slip up”. I don’t
dump on sugar, but if I do eat something very heavy in fat, I’ll be
running to the bathroom very quickly.
In my mind when I went in for the surgery, I pictured myself as this
thin woman that was just dynamite. Now, I realize that was all an
illusion in my mind. Honestly, at 210, I am were I was when I was
TWELVE YEARS OLD! I never ever was below 245 in my entire adult
life, and then I was only there for a couple weeks. So, I sure have
alot of excess skin, but that is just going to have to stay with
me. I just can’t get it through my head that I “should” try for a
plastic surgery. Too many hospital stays, too much illness that I
am ENJOYING my new life of not being exhausted, being able to move
and the most important part of it all for me is the ENJOY MY FAMILY
and be able to do things.
SO, you can either accept yourself as you are, if not happy, then
work out what you need to do to change it. The most important thing
that my surgeon always stressed was NO GRAZING! I couldn’t stop the
grazing, so I made my life around grazing. What I mean about that
is that I DO EAT ALL THE TIME. But, what I eat is what is
important. I’ll have a 1/2 cup of oatmeal (steel cut oats) for
breakfast, 1/2 cup of fruitcocktail for my mid morning break, my
lunch is usually my bigger meal which is usually 2/3- 3/4 cup of
some type of meat (roast beef) or fish (tuna) and then my mid
afternoon is 1/2 cup of hot vegetables. That is what I eat at work,
which is a 10 hour day. So, even though I am eating what seems like
all the time, I don’t even have one whole meal in. But it works for
me. Then for dinner I usually do have a complete small meal of some
type of meat, vegetable and a few crackers to finish it off. Then
for my night time snack I’ll have a sugar free klondike or weight
watchers fudgsicle.
That’s just one little example of my almost 2 years with the RNY.
February 25th, 2007 at 4:24 pm
I am so proud of you Barbara, Thank you for taking a stand for those of us
who continue to struggle with their weight. Carnie is clearly in denial or
just doesn’t have the “guts” to fess up, even when she is among “her own
kind…US.” She should know that we all fight the same battle with weight
and that we have already gained victory. We all went under the knife and
were willing to die to get our life back and we succeeded even if we lost
the weight and then gained some of it back.
Unfortunately the doctors didn’t operate on our head, they operated on our
stomach and we still have to deal with the same issues we did before the
surgery. All of us have learned some good habits and I don’t think I would
be too far wrong in saying that at least 95% of us have not gained all of
our weight back so we are still a success.
Linda don’t lose heart, it’s a day at a time process and we all join you as
we lift everyone who has gone through this surgery (yes, even Carnie) in
prayer for continued success and good health.
Lorretta Phillips
Open RNY April 16, 2003
Pre-op: 287.5 (BMI 51)
Lowest Weight: 151
Highest Post-op Weight: 167
Now: 160
Message: 5
Date: Sat, 12 Jun 2004 18:05:21 -0000
From: “msgardenia73″ <msgardenia@…
Subject: The “Ugly Side”
While I started this post a few days ago (and was sidetracked by my
daughter’s HS graduation), it is VERY appropriate in light of
Linda’s weight gain post. Note to Linda: You are FAR from alone…
and, while the road is long and hard (and I join you tromping on
it), there *are* ways to fight for our sanity and, prayerfully, our
health. More on that at the end.
So, sweet Caroline wrote about going to see Carnie Wilson the other
night. Alvarado’s program is shifting to Scripps La Jolla from
Alvarado Hospital (huge, ugly, political battle) and they had to
start a new support group meeting for Alvarado (actually,
Ellner/Wittgrove) patients and decided that they would bring Carnie
to introduce the new location and the birth of the new support
groups which include psychological ones run by Cathy Reto (my
therapist for over a year now)…..
February 25th, 2007 at 9:22 pm
As usual Barb’s post was full of wisdom and experience, reality and
optimism. Add my voice to the choir: I just had my two-year
anniversary of surgery. I lost around 130 pounds in the first year
or so, down to a good if not ideal weight, but I’ve put back about
10 pounds in the last year. From what I see in on-line and local
support groups this a very common experience. I may well regain
more in the coming years. For CERTAIN I will struggle not to. It
will ALWAYS be a battle. Between a genetic, physiological tendency
to gain weight, the mental/emotional problem of using food in
unhealthy ways, and living in a toxic food environment, as virtually
all Americans do, it’s inevitable that many of us will have
difficulty. MOST Americans do, look at how many of us are
overweight! And the problem just gets worse as we get older.
It’s unfortunate but understandable that so many pre-ops and new
post-ops don’t understand this reality. The dramatic losses of the
early months and the ease of it all make them feel bullet-proof, if
not downright smug, and after a lifetime of diet failure they
deserve their euphoria. But reality hits sooner or later and we
need to learn how to meet the needs of long-term post-ops. After
all, the honeymoon period is brief and we’ll spend the rest of our
lives doing our best to maintain the weight loss from the surgery.
Most good surgical practices put lots of emphasis on follow-up care
and support and patients need to learn to take advantage of it. We
CAN’T let shame and defensiveness and embarrassment prevent us from
seeking all the help we deserve.
Someone posted recently in the grad. group about having surgery
several years ago at a practice that had virtually no follow-up
care. She regained weight and was embarrassed and depressed about
it, but in the process of helping a friend initiate the surgical
quest she discovered a new group of surgeons. Here’s a quote from
her post: “…I decided to contact her doctor to see if he would
consider taking me on as a patient…He did..I was scared going
there for the first time by myself…I was ashamed and worried of
what he would say and think…Well, just the opposite
occurred…Every member of his staff was incredibly wonderful to
me…They offered me advise on nutrition and support to get back on
track…”
Now THAT’s a good practice, one with a genuine interest and
willingness to assist after the surgery itself is long healed. It’s
what we need.
And as well we need courageous people who address the challenges as
well as the successes of this road we’re taking. We could use a WLS-
oriented fat and formerly fat activism. I saw Carnie Wilson on the
Tonight Show last week and it was very clear that she’d had a
substantial regain, and her extremely tight clothes certainly didn’t
improve the situation. While I can understand her defensiveness and
denial because of the public spotlight, it’s also true that she has
sought that spotlight and it would be more helpful in the long run,
to more people, if she was honest. Perhaps she will be some day–we
can hope.
Celia